151. Jeni Grant, CPDT-KA 

[0:00] COLLEEN:
Welcome to Unleashed at Work and Home. I'm Colleen Pelar, and this is where pet professionals come for honest conversations about what it really takes to show up for yourself while serving the animals you love. If you've ever felt caught between compassion and exhaustion, you're in the right place. Here we explore what it means to reconnect with your inner wisdom and rediscover the joy that brought you to this work.

Make sure to join my email community at ColleenPelar.com for gentle, practical insights designed specifically for pet professionals. Now let's dive in.

[0:51] COLLEEN:
Welcome back to Unleashed at Work at Home. My guest today is Jeni Grant, and she's a dog trainer and owner of Train Your Best Friend. Welcome Jeni.

[0:55] JENI:
Thank you. Thanks so much for having me.

[1:00] COLLEEN:
Happy to have you here today. 

JENI:
My first podcast, your first podcast—hooray!

[1:16] COLLEEN:
Well, lucky me to have it be on mine. That's awesome. So tell me a little bit about your journey of how you became a dog trainer. What did you think you were going to do?

JENI:
Well, pretty much always as a child, pretty much everybody thought I was going to do something with animals, because I loved animals, and I grew up in one of those houses where I really didn't have a lot of supervision. Early on, my parents—my father told me this years later—decided that all animals loved me, so they just let me do so.

He even said, years later, "I remember that time you were wrestling with that junkyard dog, and really, I thought that was funny you were doing that." And I was like, "Wow, great parenting there." But it worked out. It never caused any problems. So I always loved animals.

When you're a child, a lot of times people will be like, "Well, you can give that an area." I don't remember—I think fourth grade, I got a horse, and I was crazy about horses, and so I did that for many years. I loved that. That was fantastic. So probably when I was younger, I would have thought horses maybe.

Then I was always very interested in people as well. I thought people were interesting. So I was a psychology major, and I thought I was going to go on to be a counselor. But by the time I graduated, I kind of felt like, "Yeah, I'm going to go back to animals."

[3:41] JENI:
So I started working in a rural animal shelter in New Jersey, just working in the kennels and trying to learn. It was really hard and really absorbing. They moved me up to manager, so I did that for about seven years. That was very intense. I always say I think I didn't sleep for seven years. It was very intense, but very fulfilling. I still am friends with people from that time. It was fun too. I mean, you don't always get a chance to chase a cow down the road and...

COLLEEN:
I haven't yet chased a cow down the road, but...

JENI:
Going into a field with a bull and a dog—interesting things. I was young and stupid, you know, so I probably did lots of things I shouldn't have done, because again, probably that premise of, you know, everything will be fine.

[4:08] COLLEEN:
So you graduated from college and went right to a shelter?

JENI:
I think I might have had some part-time jobs just to get money for a little while. I moved back—I went to school in California, got married and moved back to New Jersey, which is where I grew up. Then I wanted to work with animals. So I was applying to, you know, whatever was with animals I was applying. I found that position, and it was in a very pretty part... So I did that. I don't remember—there wasn't too much before that.

[4:56] COLLEEN:
Okay, so you were there seven years?

JENI:
Well, I left briefly and they asked me to come back. So there was that. I don't actually remember the exact timing of all of this.

COLLEEN:
We don't need—there are no fact checkers.

JENI:
But I know it was like seven years. I remember adding it up to be like a lot, seven years. Then I got horribly burned out.

[5:22] COLLEEN:
Wow, that never happens to anyone.

JENI:
Yeah. I felt like everywhere I went, people were talking about animals. And I just felt like it never stopped. So I worked at ETS—they make the SATs and all that—and I did that for several years. I don't remember exactly how many years.

Then I moved to Connecticut, and I started a pet sitting business. It was Lyme, Connecticut, which is beautiful. I really liked the area. It's really nice. It has the ocean and the river and lots of birds and animals. It's a huge forest, continuous forest there. I started a pet sitting business, and that quickly morphed into doing the dog behavior counseling. That's what I call myself—a dog behavior counselor. Sometimes I'll say dog trainer, just because that's what the public knows better. But if you saw what I did, it's definitely work or like counseling, you know. I sit down, and so I started that, I think, in 2000—so, been a while now.

[6:42] COLLEEN:
And was that also called Train Your Best Friend? Or was that a different business in a different time?

JENI:
I think I might have started under Jeni Grant's Dog Training, if I'm remembering correctly, maybe. And then at some point, switched it over to Train Your Best Friend the LLC.

[6:59] COLLEEN:
Okay, but you're no longer in Connecticut. Is that correct?

JENI:
No, I moved a lot because I had a relationship, and he was corporate, so we moved a lot, which was not easy. We moved from there to Massachusetts. We were in Connecticut, I think, about seven years, and I really loved Connecticut. I really loved where we were. There was just a million trails to walk your dogs. There was lots of dog people, lots of centers. I had a lot of connections there. It was really nice. A little cold.

So we went to Massachusetts for a year, and then Maryland, I think, for about five years. There were lots of dog people there, lots of connections there. Then moved to Santa Fe, New Mexico. Big change.

[8:16] COLLEEN:
Oh yes. Tell me about the move to Santa Fe.

JENI:
I went to visit a friend who moved there, a childhood friend, and I stayed for two weeks. I went all over, and I always loved Georgia O'Keeffe, and I went to college in California. I would go to Joshua Tree and stuff. So I kind of started to learn to like the desert, and I kind of felt that calling to go west, I guess.

It's just—it's quiet enough so it's not super busy. It's very open. Just taking a ride around is like riding around a national park. Really, there's a million places to hike. It's just very open and beautiful. I really liked it.

[9:12] COLLEEN:
Awesome. I haven't been there. I've seen it on TV, and it looks beautiful. It looks lovely and very different geography.

JENI:
It is. It's kind of like its own little country, honestly. Very different kind of place. It's not perfect, but it's really not overcrowded, and there's just so many places to go and see that are just open.

[9:43] COLLEEN:
And so you call yourself a dog behavior counselor. Tell me more about that.

JENI:
When I started years ago, that was the thing that they would say, because I've always taken serious clients. I came from an animal welfare background, so I saw a need really early on for fear and anxiety and things like that. At that time, when I started, there was not a lot available. I only really remember Nicole Wilde's book at that time.

So I kind of independently researched fear and all the emotions, because I was a psych major, so I could do that. I found that most of that research was on animals. I was like, "Well, okay, this is..." So I kind of made it my calling to do that. I felt like I could help people and offer maybe something that they weren't getting at that time.

I think it was Nicole Wilde's book that said, you know, you don't want to call yourself a behaviorist, because that's usually a degree, a specific degree. So that's what—at that time, that's what they said. Call yourself a dog behavior counselor. That's okay. So that's where that came from. But again, the public does not understand that. So that's not really public friendly, but it is very much...

[11:18] COLLEEN:
It makes sense to them, though. Well, I don't know. I guess I'm so far away from being what the general public is in reading something. But to me, I would think if someone was looking for a trainer and they came across a dog behavior counselor, they would probably have some sense of what that might be.

JENI:
Yeah, I think now, if they have a serious problem, they recognize the word behavior, maybe more for them. I think that part, that word, I think they do connect with, at least at this point, a lot of people.

I feel like I use my psych degree. I sit down with people. A lot of what I do is with people and engaging with people and connecting with people and supporting people. Especially since I do serious cases, so they do need a lot of support and understanding and a lot of helping them make difficult decisions. So there's a lot of tears. I see a lot of tears.

And then you get, of course, a lot of people that are, "Oh, that must be fun playing with puppies all day." Like, yes, I have that too. But there's also the tears part, the heart of...

[12:41] COLLEEN:
Yeah, it is. I think that's such a difficult piece of it that there really isn't a whole lot of training for us in terms of how to help people in these really difficult emotions and hard decisions that they're having to make. Recognizing that things may be a little more serious than they fully understood, or whatever the situation may be—it's a lot. It's a lot to be with people when they're in those situations.

JENI:
And family dynamics. Oh, yeah.

[13:19] COLLEEN:
So you just change your title to dog behavior counselor and family therapist. No, we can't do that.

JENI:
I always thought it would be a good idea to do both in some cases, but to have somebody else with you almost is a great idea—a family counselor. I did study a lot about communication and negotiation early on. I saw that that was really what was needed.

[13:48] COLLEEN:
Yeah, there's so much overlap, isn't there? When I really started diving into the coaching world and learning about positive psychology, I took a six-month program in positive psychology, like a certificate program. They would hold up a book, and they'd be like, "In this book, they talk about this," and I'd be like, "Oh, I read that one." And then this—"I read that one too."

There were other very well-read members in the class, but I was a little surprised, and they were very surprised that the dog trainer was the one who really had such a strong grounding in it. But dog training is about people.

JENI:
Right. Yeah, and a lot of it does come right out of psychology. I mean, for sure. I had already met Temple Grandin in college, so it was interesting to see some of that stuff brought in. So it's interesting. That's why I always try to put my psychology degree, because I think it should count. Very applicable.

[14:54] COLLEEN:
Yeah, it is. It is. It matters. So I'm thinking about this in terms of just this whole field—what do people say when you explain dog behavior counselor to them? What is their response? Do they just get it? Or do you not even really explain it? What's the response?

JENI:
I've moved away from explaining a lot of things and just kind of get right into what can I do. So I think also with years, you get the confidence to kind of do that. A lot of times I'll, first thing I'll say, like on the phone, is, "Tell me about your dog." So I kind of skip over a lot of things.

I don't do a lot of explaining what I'm saying and things, and I try to use simple language as much as possible. I usually either compare to things—I've had a lot of special dogs, so I compare to that or clients have already seen, or I compare it to people. But I try to make it relatable, because I think we use a lot of language in the dog training behavior world that is not very... I really try. I spent years trying to do that as much as I can.

[16:30] COLLEEN:
Yeah, it's tricky. There's so much jargon that doesn't translate.

JENI:
And I'm thinking about, what does that word mean? Yeah, not really where I'm going.

[16:46] COLLEEN:
The one that stumped me in the beginning and still does is recall. I understand how it became the word, but nothing in me would ever have named that cue recall. We're going to teach a good recall. I get it, but it's so interesting to me that it's still here after all these years.

JENI:
Some of them are kind of from other countries, like "leave it." It's really kind of an expression in the UK. So we kind of use these expressions that don't necessarily come from here in the US. And I do do it, so you know. I usually apologize—"Oh, that was some jargon. I'm sorry." And I try to go back.

But I usually try to learn something new, which I enjoy doing anyway. I like learning new things. A big thing I've done in Santa Fe is trying to learn to dance partner dancing, which I'd never done. I had done other kinds of dancing, but not partner dancing, so kind of focused in on salsa. So I'm always learning something new.

It kind of always puts me in that position of being the beginner. So it does really wake you up and be like, "Okay, you need to simplify, to remember that they don't know what you're talking about, and how hard it is to be a beginner."

[18:16] COLLEEN:
Yeah, it is. It's so hard to be a beginner, even a beginner with some background. I adopted a dog in late January who has some pretty challenging issues that I didn't see going into it. So I've been learning some of the newer techniques since I was in the field.

I can fully understand the concept of what you're asking me to do and still struggle with doing it. So I'm not the beginner on the level of like, "Okay, let's talk about dogs and what these calming signals mean"—I'm so far from that beginner. And yet there are skill pieces where I'm like, "Oh, I messed that up again. Oh, I messed it up again."

It's humbling just to see like, "Oh, I'm just learning a new way of doing something that I should be reasonably good at," on paper. Realistically, I probably am reasonably good at it from the perspective of a beginner. My instructors have not been going, "Wow, you don't know what you're doing at all." But on the other hand, I have not told them I'm a dog trainer.

JENI:
Right, yeah. I would do that.

[19:36] COLLEEN:
I'm not going to walk in and go, "By the way, I'm a dog trainer, and I'm really struggling in your class." But it's fascinating, this whole perspective of what it's like to be a beginner.

JENI:
And how it's different when it's your dog.

COLLEEN:
It's completely... Yeah. I've been so grateful to have this amazing network of people to talk to since I adopted this guy, because I have just flat out said to people, "I am too close. I need to talk to somebody who can talk me through this."

Because I was—I've been playing whack-a-mole. There are multiple issues going on, and that's always really hard.

JENNY:
Yeah, and the more things, the harder. And it is. I had my special dog, and he was tough. I had just had probably my easiest dog. He was a golden retriever that went everywhere with me, always in class with me. I could bring him to clients—the whole thing. We had him on the schooner in Maine.

Then I adopted this beautiful dog, and he was terrified of everything inside and outside. That was a really eye-opening experience for me for what I do, because it was really hard. I remember really the people that helped me were the people that said, "You're doing a great job. That's just the way he is." That's what really helped me the most. That was the veterinary behaviorist. And I think Carolyn Barney—I did a phone consult with her, and she was like, "Yeah, I had a dog that did that. Yeah, I totally did that. Yep." Really nice to hear, you know.

[21:21] COLLEEN:
Yeah, which is—I mean, that's a big piece of it, is just helping people normalize their experience and understand it and see all that they are doing, to really feel that they are doing things. Because so many people are trying so hard with lots and lots of animals, and it's a struggle. And that's kind of the job, is to meet them there.

JENNY:
And they're all different. There's so much variety. It's just amazing.

[21:47] COLLEEN:
Yeah, it is amazing. And it's what keeps it interesting and challenging from the professional point of view, because there aren't like, "Here's the answer for you. It's the same as the answer I gave the person before you, and the same as the answer I'm giving the next person." Because we do need to arrange for the nuance of the personalities of all of the beings living in the household, and then even just layout and structure and all the things.

JENI:
It's definitely—it takes a while for them to show you who they are too, and what's going to work for them, especially when they have...

[22:23] COLLEEN:
Yeah, yeah. I ask all of my guests to share some words that have meaning to them, and the words you shared are: "The secret to life is that it is not about you." Tell me more.

JENI:
So, and people when...

[22:44] COLLEEN:
When did you hear this? And what does it mean to you?

JENI:
I'll give you an example I use. I learned not to demo with people's dogs for class and when you were doing things. I learned not to do that, because then the dog was focused on me, because I was novel, and I was coming with food, and I knew what I was doing. So all of a sudden they're looking at me, and that wasn't comfortable for the people.

So I was seeing the people get uncomfortable. Sometimes I felt the dogs were a little uncomfortable. And so I said, "I'm going to rethink doing this." So basically, it's not about me looking good in front of the class, or wherever I am in front of a seminar, or whatever. I'm going to consider everybody else here.

But it's kind of getting out of that—how is it for you? You know what I mean, type of thing. And then there's times that is about you, of course. But I think it does help me, because it helps give me perspective. To say it's not about me, and sometimes it's not about me—that's just the dog, or that's just the people. Kind of accepting what's in front of you, and what's happening is just—it's not about me. It's just about this is what's happening.

[24:30] COLLEEN:
When did you have that realization? How long have these words been with you?

JENI:
I think in Connecticut, so that would be the last 20 years. Yeah, 20 years.

COLLEEN:
20 years. Those are good words to have for 20 years.

JENNY:
Yeah, and again, people don't tend to have a good reaction to it. I think, you know, because I don't know. I think we see it as more of a mean—I don't mean it in the mean way. But just sometimes things just aren't about you. It's just what's happening in front of you.

[25:04] COLLEEN:
Yeah, I can see how people might not hear it the way it's intended. I can see where on first blush people might have responses to that. But I'm not imagining you running around going to people, "Well, it's not about you. It's not about you."

JENI:
Oh, I don't say it to anybody. Yeah, I don't say it to anybody. It's not something I say to other people or myself. If I was in trouble... And I don't usually tell clients. That's not usually something I say to clients. That would be just like talking to you or something.

I have seen people's reactions. It's like, well—I don't mean your safety doesn't matter, or you don't...

[25:46] COLLEEN:
Right, right. I mean, it ties in a little bit too to the whole, you know, where we get so worried about what people are thinking about us. And the reality is they're not usually thinking about us. They're thinking about them and their life.

So when someone doesn't respond to your email, that's also not about you. That's whatever's going on with them. And when someone's frustrated or cranky, it's probably not about you. It probably is about something bigger and beyond.

We are all having our own personal experience that is, in fact, about us. But when we filter everything through the importance from that perspective, that could distort a lot of reality for us. Just kind of be like, "Oh no, mostly..."

JENI:
And like doing something like this. I mean, years ago, I would have been very self-conscious, and now I just kind of do it. It took practice, and I did research how to speak in front of people, and how to do all that, because I had to do some public speaking and stuff. But it's sort of like that too. It's like, "Well, I'm just gonna do it and say what's important to me, and move on."

[26:57] COLLEEN:
Which is awesome and such a gift. Because what I hear from people who listen to this podcast is that they each take something a little bit different from a conversation. Again, because each person is having their own experience.

When somebody shows up and just shares their life, their experience, their thoughts, you're giving, and without any attachment to what anyone receives. You're not saying, "Here's what you need to know," but you're just sharing your experience. And it is a gift, and people are receiving—we just don't have any idea what it is.

But this idea of when you're doing it, it's not about you, it's about them. It's empowering in many ways. And honestly, that I think is the piece that for me is what got me to be able to work with people at all with dogs especially—was that I wanted to work with the dog so much that I got over my own fears of public speaking and working with people and putting myself out there. All of those things that were so cripplingly terrifying was the desire to be with them, that experience.

And I guess we could say that was about me, but it was really about them. I wanted to serve and help.

JENI:
Those things like—I still can't do a wedding toast or, you know what I mean? It's not... If you can't ask me to talk about cupcakes, you know. So it has to be something I'm passionate about and have a strong feeling.

[28:35] COLLEEN:
Yeah, yeah. Me too. Me too. Yeah. You would never want me to do a wedding toast. I would just probably cry through the whole thing. It would be terrible.

JENNY:
Yeah, I would shrink from that. I'd be like, "I can't do that. That's not really my thing."

[28:53] COLLEEN:
Yeah. So if I could give you a magic wand and you could bestow a blessing upon pet professionals everywhere, what would you give us?

JENNY:
I think it's really important to take care of yourselves, your mental health, your physical health. I think it is a very draining profession, and I don't think you get enough credit and enough support. So I think you really have to carve that out for yourself, and that's really important.

And I wish them all to take care of themselves, whatever that means—whether that means leaving the business or changing the business. That's what I would say.

[29:41] COLLEEN:
Yeah, and those are both completely viable options—leaving the business, changing the business, taking care of themselves within the business as it is. It is a tricky thing, and there's no one right way for anyone to be.

So you said there's not enough support, and I 100% agree. If I had a second magic wand, what kind of support would you like to see, particularly for people—no, never mind, period. What kind of support would you like to see for pet professionals?

JENNY:
Well, I'd like them to get better benefits, better pay, have their organizations really support them and help them thrive, and offer vet counseling. It is nice that that's more common now. Offer the support, and just supporting each other too, I think more. And really understanding how hard it is for everyone, and that it's important to support everybody.

I think it can be a very critical group sometimes. So I think it's hard because you're dealing with the public, and you get kind of drained. So you do need something to fill you back up. And I think giving everybody a lot more credit, a lot more kindness, and like I said, I'd like them to take care of their health and not overextend themselves. All those things. We've lost some good trainers over, you know...

[31:30] COLLEEN:
Yeah, we absolutely have. We absolutely have. And those are hard lessons to learn—to take care of oneself and to not overextend and all of those pieces. We have to hear the message over and over and over until we finally do hear the message. So yeah, thank you for sharing that.

If people wanted to learn more about you and your work, how could they do that?

JENNY:
I have a website, trainyourbestfriend.com, and I also am Train Your Best Friend Jenny Grant—J-E-N-N-I—on Facebook. I'm on Facebook a lot. And I have a YouTube channel you can find on my site too, which I haven't done much with, but there are things on there I think are still valuable. I think those are the main ways.

[32:23] COLLEEN:
Awesome. Okay, well, I'll link up to those in the show notes. And thank you so much for talking with me today, Jenny.

JENNY:
Thank you. It was a pleasure. I really enjoyed the conversation.

[32:31] COLLEEN:
I appreciate having you. Thank you.

That's our conversation for today. If something we talked about resonated, I invite you to sit with it. Notice what feels true and what you want to explore further. You don't have to have it all figured out to start moving toward what matters.

Whatever showed up for you today—clarity, questions, even resistance—trust that it's pointing you toward something important. For more support, join my weekly notes at ColleenPelar.com. And until next time, remember you are enough, always, just as you are.

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

• Train Your Best Friend: trainyourbestfriend.com
• Facebook: Train Your Best Friend Jenny Grant
• Nicole Wilde's book on fear and anxiety in dogs
• Temple Grandin

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