Category Archives for "Podcasts"

​​Scarcity. What happens when you feel there isn't enough of something? When you want to grab hold and not let go? When you are constantly seeking more-more-more or anxious that someone else may try to take something from you?

Feelings of desperation and overwhelm can swamp you and leave you feeling cranky, exhausted, and depleted.

​When I was thinking about scarcity, the person I most wanted to talk with was Jean Donaldson, BSc, CTC, of the Academy for Dog Trainers, who is known for her work with resource guarding in dogs. (Her book, Mine! A Practical Guide to Resource Guarding in Dogs, is the best-selling book on the topic.)

We talked about how easy it is for vets, veterinary nurses, dog trainers, and other pet professionals can be come drained. You get sucked into a vortex in which there's a huge demand for your time and attention--just so much NEED!--and there's not enough of you to go around.

​Too often you prioritize others' needs over your own, but it's vital to make sure you are giving yourself what Jean described as "rock-bottom basic care." Making sure you are eating right, getting enough sleep and exercise, and ​strengthening the connections with people who support and energize you.

Next you need to find the resilience activities that fill you back up. Ideally something completely unrelated to animals. This gives your brain a chance to process and generate new ideas. 

​​Don't have a hobby? No idea what to do? Here's a link to a handy assessment that can help you figure out what's most likely to work for you.

Then you need to look at what pieces of the work you thrive on. Focus your energy and efforts on those. That's where you'll get the biggest bang for your buck.

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​​Video Transcript

​Our brains are wired to make negative experiences more powerful and memorable than positive experiences. That's awesome from evolutionary terms, but not really so great for our enjoyment. However, luckily for you, there is a technique called savoring that, specifically and deliberately applied, can help you take positive experiences and make them deeper, richer, and more lasting.

So savoring uses four elements. There's luxuriating, which is sensory pleasure. There's basking, which is pride. There's marveling, which is awe, and there's gratitude--thanksgiving, which is gratitude.

In a recent coaching conversation, I was talking to a dog trainer about a about her her most recent appointment with a client that had gone very well. She was really happy with it. The client was a six-month-old labrador mix, and he was really just starting to catch on. And so we were using these elements of savoring to help her build upon this experience and have it be something that she could use moving forward.

So we started with sensory and I asked her what felt great in that experience, just in the in the actual physical experience of it. And she said, "Well, I mean, what is better than looking at a puppy and touching a puppy? Just from a sensory level, petting a puppy and watching a puppy, there's so much joy there."

I said, "Super. Okay, so let's talk about marveling. What was awe? Where were your moments where you just were sort of sparked?"

And she said she had awe when she could see the little light bulb go on for this puppy, that it just warmed her from the inside. She was amazed at how well timing of rewards can help a brain learn.

She said it's just a fascinating concept that she, as someone outside the family, can come in and make a few connections between people and their dog that that creates their communication. And she said she just loves that. So it created this sense of awe for her.

And I said, "Okay. Well, let's talk about thanksgiving." And she said, "Well I'm so grateful to have this awesome client and I have so many great clients that I really appreciate them. But honestly, sometimes I forget. Because the ones who drain my energy don't always feed me the same way."

I said, "Yes, but let's talk about this client. What about this client makes you so happy?" And she said, "Well, I'm really grateful that they love their dog."

And I said, "Yeah, isn't that what we want? And we don't want all people to really love their pets the way we really think pets should be loved?" And that such a wonderful feeling when we see that, and we're so happy for the animal and we're happy for the people. We're happy for the world. It just works out great.

And so then we went with that final element of basking, which is pride, and sometimes that one's a little bit tough for people because we sometimes hold back a little and think maybe it's wrong or egotistical to show a little bit of pride. But because I led her through these steps already there were multiple moments of pride that I could point out to her even when she was a little uncomfortable.

She made great connections with her clients, both human and canine. She made a difference. And she was really happy and engaged and lit up. And those are the result of her work, and her effort, and her years of training and experience. She had a lot to be proud of there.

So I encourage you to think about these elements: luxuriating, which is pleasure; thanksgiving, which is gratitude; marveling, which is a sense of awe; and basking, the sense of pride.

Find where you can think about those elements in your at work and see if that doesn't enhance your experience. Until next time. Have a great day.

​Video Transcript

What do you like to do outside of work? What are the activities that fill you up? What gives your brain a break from all those thoughts you're thinking?

For me, It's Pilates. I've been taking Pilates for two years now and it's hard. Really hard. And in every class, the instructor asked me to do things that are just at the edge of my abilities. They're hard for me to do well.

I really have to concentrate. All my focus and all my rubbery muscles are dedicated to the task of trying, not necessarily succeeding, but trying to do what I've been asked.

When I leave class, my body is tired and my mind is so much quieter. There's a reason for that. There's a reason your brain feels better when you take a break. 

Our brains were designed to solve problems related to survival in an outdoor environment in nearly constant motion. Those pieces don't really apply to modern life, do they?

Most of the time we're trying to solve problems that are not related to survival in an indoor environment while sitting still. Bad plan.

That's why a walk makes you feel better. That's why we pace in hospitals.

Movement helps us process thoughts and emotions. 

But your downtime doesn't have to include a physical activity to be in beneficial. It could be reading or pottery or building Lego kits.

It surprises me how many people don't have a favorite activity that they can turn to.

I think as adults, we sometimes think we need to be serious and we don't have time for something as seemingly frivolous as fun. When I ask my clients, "What do you like to do in your spare time?" They say, "What spare time?"

I get it. But here's the thing, carving out a little time to focus on something entirely unrelated to your work will give you more energy, more enthusiasm, and a clearer vision of what to do.

We've all had that moment of brilliant inspiration when you go take a shower and suddenly, you know the answer to the problem you've been wrestling with.

That's not magic. That's you giving your brain what it needs to function at its best. If you don't have a hobby or favorite activity, I encourage you to find one.

Think back to what you really loved doing when you were a kid, are there any pieces of that that you could incorporate?  What about coloring? Or could you join a basketball league?  Could you build model airplanes?

Taking time to do this really is one of the best investments you can possibly make in your mental health and your life satisfaction.

I can't wait to hear what you choose to do. Send me some photos of what you've made or what you've done. I'd really love to see.

​​Do you find meaning in your work? ​Understanding and ​really feeling the impact you make on on the world shapes your perspective and makes you feel more fulfilled.

​Josh Vaisman of Flourish Veterinary Consulting​ saying meaning ​is not prescriptive; it can't be given to you.

You have to find and hold onto your own personal sense of meaning. ​

Often it's easy to get bogged down in your day-to-day, repetitive tasks and lose sight of how they fit into the big picture. When you don't have a sense ​why​ you're doing the work​​​, you're more likely to focus on just getting stuff done​. This undermines your motivation to do ​your work carefully, thoughtfully, and intentionally.

Josh is a fan on using a "contribution practice" to keep meaning in the forefront of his mind. Each day he asks himself, "How did I make a difference for someone else today?"

Taking time to notice the effects your work has on others can be a powerful way to feel the impact of your work and to find your sense of meaning.

So, tell me, how did you make a difference for someone else today? I'm dying to hear!

Thanks for Listening!

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​What does authenticity mean to you?

What would happen if you dropped your armor and showed up as your real self ... with all your faults and foibles?

​Does ​that idea make you feel uncomfortable? Why do you think that is? What could you do to make it easier?

​I had an awesome conversation with Tina Spring of Sit Happens Dog Training and Behavior about authenticity and the ​amazing growth that happens when you let down your guard and give yourself permission to be you, just as you are.

​There's magic there. You see it in other people. You often don't ​warm up to a person until you see a flaw. That flaw makes the other person seem real, approachable, interesting.

​Do you struggle with the flip side? ​Are you spending all your time trying to be fit someone else's idea of how you "should" be? Shoulds are dangerous. They make you resentful and lonely.

​Listen in to this great conversation--you are going to laugh out loud!--and then tell me how you are sharing your own unique awesome self with the world today. I can't wait to hear.

Thanks for Listening!

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​Why do we play games? What purpose do they serve? Have you ever wondered about that?

Terry Ryan is the co-owner of Legacy Canine and has been teaching dog training classes since 1968. Yep, you read that right. She's got a wealth of experience in helping people successfully learn new skills.

And you know what she discovered? Games make learning feel safer and more fun.

​Those two variables--safety and fun--matter more than you think in almost every area of your life.

Think about it.

If you feel uncomfortable in an environment or with a particular person, are you likely to show up as your best self? Will you stretch yourself to learn more or stick with what you already know?

Nope! You'll play small. You'll hold back a bit to avoid drawing any negative attention rather than throwing yourself in wholeheartedly.

And fun, what does fun do? Positive emotions broaden and build. When you have fun, you are kinder, more generous, more creative, more open, and more productive. Awesome, right?

So today's questions for you to ponder are

• ​What makes you feel safe? How can you get more of that?
  
• What's your idea of fun? How can you get more of that?
  
• How would your life be different if you felt safe and had more fun?
  

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I've got some year-end questions for you:

• What went well this year?
• What are you so proud of?
• What are the things that you look back and you say, "Gosh on January 1st, this didn't exist and now look at it!"
• Let's start thinking forward a little bit.
• What do you hope to accomplish next year? 
• What are you working on at the moment? 
• What challenges do you face in pursuing those goals? 
• What's working well for you with that?
• What isn't working so well? 
• How will your life be affected if you reach that goal?
• What are the things that get in your way?
• And are you playing a role in those?

​It's time to be thinking about how to ​move forward. ​

Action is what matters.

Some of us spend a lot of time thinking about things. I'm certainly prone to that, but not you. You take action, right? You are the kind of person who just dives in.

No? If you're someone who would really like to have a safe place to practice some of these actions, to be more comfortable with exploring behavior in a safe environment before you try things out in the real world, I have something special that you might really like.

I'm ​introducing UNLEASHED Resilience Groups. We are going to have a bunch of them in 2019, and these groups are about inspiring you to take action and live the life you want to lead.

Full information about the groups can be found at https://www.colleenpelar.com/groups 

Hurry! Space is limited!

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​Reaching out. When you are at the end of your rope, do you pick up the phone and call a friend, or just put on your jammies, grab some cookies, and turn on Netflix? 

​You know connecting with a friend ​will make you feel better than a night on the couch.

But in the short term, sometimes it feels easier to reach for the remote than the phone. Why is that?

Reaching out sounds so simple, but sometimes you hesitate. Do you ​

• ​​Hold back because you don't want to impose on your friends' time or disrupt their day? ​
• Feel like it would take more energy than you have to make a meaningful connection?
  
• ​Worry that it's not fair to dump your ​baggage on them?
  
• ​Contact the special people in your life far less frequently than you think of them?

​Thoughts like these lead to self-isolation, which is dangerous. People are wired to connect. You need other people. We all do. (Even the introverts. Introverts need people as much as extroverts do, just in different doses.)

Jeannine Moga is a veterinary social worker​. I invited her to talk with me about the benefits and challenges of reaching out.

​You encounter so many heart-wrenching situations with the animals you care for (and their people). It's difficult, draining work, and it can be tempting to try to build walls around your heart in an attempt to protect yourself.

But it won't work. (Darn it!)

You need two or three special people in your life. (Jeannine calls them "the witnesses.")

These are the go-to people you can call when you are having a terrible, rotten, very bad day.

​Your witnesses won't minimize your pain or your problems. They won't judge your feelings or your decisions. And they won't try to fix things or point out the bright side for you.

They'll be there to listen to you. To hear you out. To walk beside you and remind you that you are strong and valued and worthy. (Sometimes you might forget that.)

Who are your witnesses?

If you don't have them now, you need to start looking for them. Everybody needs someone in their corner.

​​​The people you work with are built-in networks, so they can be a good place to start.

​Even if you don't become close friends with your co-workers, it's worth investing some time and energy into building positive connections. ​Finding moments of humor and joy throughout the day can have enormous benefits for your wellbeing.

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​Self-compassion ​is widely misunderstood and yet it's one of the best tools you have for developing resilience. Self-compassion, quite simply, is treating yourself as your best friend would when times are tough.

When your best friend is struggling, you don't ​beat up them for making a simple, human error. Instead you say--and sincerely believe--things like, "Accidents happen," "Everyone makes mistakes," and "It's going to be okay."

​​​Do you find it difficult ​to extend that same grace to yourself? Many people do.

Michele Gaspar joined me to talk about self-compassion and how learning to be comfortable with discomfort can help us grow.

She's a veterinarian who is board-certified in feline practice AND a psychotherapist. (Love of learning is clearly one of her top strengths!)

Michele talked about how common perfectionism is among veterinarians and other animal-care professionals.

Perfectionism often has its roots in childhood. Where you praised for being a "good girl or boy" or were you given the message that you were somehow defective and didn't measure up?

Those messages can make us feel insecure, as though our worthiness is something that must continually be earned. And so we develop a fierce inner critic that guards against any slip-ups for fear that we'll be rejected.

And that would be awesome​--if it worked. 

Instead, that inner critic often gets nasty and needy. Your brain gets flooded with constant judgments that point out the many, many ways in which you are less than perfect.

And that leads to depression, anxiety, imposter syndrome, and exhaustion. ​It makes you hypervigilant and even more prone to making errors.

When you are pursuing a goal that can never be reached, it gets harder and harder to keep going. 

And every time you stumble, you give that ugly little voice inside your head more ammunition to shout about.

Self-compassion flips this script around. It hears that negative self-talk and gives you the tools to refute it, to acknowledge your strengths and your weaknesses without asking you to reach some unachievable standard of perfection.

And that feels amazing!

​Visit Michele Gaspar's VIN listing​.

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​How do you know when you have enough? What does that look like? What does it mean?

​So often in life, it feels like the goal posts keep moving. ​Just when you get close to getting what you've wanted, suddenly it ​no longer seems quite right. It's not big enough, grand enough, challenging enough, important enough. It's just plain not enough.

​Take a moment to imagine the flip side. Looking around and seeing that you have everything you really need. ​

How would it feel if you knew you had just enough money to pay your bills, just enough time to get the important things done, just enough friends to feel loved and needed, just enough challenge to keep life interesting, ​

​Sure, maybe more would be better, but less would certainly be worse. There's incredible freedom in recognizing, savoring, even celebrating having just enough.

No one does that better than Mary Margaret Callahan. She is the chief mission officer at Pet Partners, an international organization that registers therapy animals and their partners, and she's also tons of fun.

Listen in for a rollicking conversation about the joy of finding what's just enough to make your life happy and full.​

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